This is the ugly and old fashion light fixture that I’ve been staring at in my bedroom for weeks.  I cannot wait to get past this back surgery and the first thing I’m doing is buy is a new ceiling light fixture.  

My friend is going to paint this brown cave of a bedroom to a brand new pretty color that will be calming and relaxing. I happen to prefer a dark color for a bedroom. However, since I’ve been stuck in here, I would prefer a happy, fun color that would cheer me up.  Admittedly, this brown paint served its purpose but it  has worn me out. It’s never a good idea to lay in a room, depressed where the blinds can be closed and literally you can sleep 24/7.

 I have concluded that the color someone paints their room has some type of psychological impact on their personality.  

When I first painted this room, I was happy, busy at work, and couldn’t wait to collapse into bed. I loved to come in here, turn on the soft glow of my chandelier, play my favorite music, and slow down from the outside world.  I purchased an expensive and beautiful comforter with pillows. Isn’t it funny that as my life has changed, the effect of this color has changed. 

Why this topic even matters to me:

Originally, I was scheduled for surgery May 27. One week later, I received a call where my surgery date was moved to June 17. Youch. That was 3 weeks ago and I have another 3 weeks to go. Usually, I try to work a few hours, do something for someone else, or work around the house for a little bit to keep busy. 

Unfortunately, for now I have 2 conditions that are keeping me stuck in my brown cave. If I look “up” at all, (i.e., computer monitor)  my neck will lock and is excruciating. The only solution is to lay flat on back without pillow and “enjoy” staring at my light fixture. 

If that doesn’t get me, I eventually have to get out of bed because my neck needs a break. Upon standing, the fractured vertebrae and hardware plus all other degeneration stings and stabs me in my middle back. If I keep moving, it will ease up and I can do activities. 

Today, I planted vegetable seeds in my pots on my deck. I really want the Tower gardening but that’s down the road. It doesn’t cost a thing nor does it take much time to pause, sit down and listen to nature. 

I happen to live in a country setting where there are coyotes, goats, chickens, horses, honey bees, and lots of dogs and cats. I sit on my deck and choose to enjoy the sounds instead of feeling bad that I chose to let my garden go this year. I just couldn’t bring myself to calling people that either work for us or are friends and ask and pay them to weed and mulch. Forget about flowers, I’m just trying to have a presentable yard. As it turns out, it’s not that important. 

When we have a condition that we can’t control, I think it’s imperative to find things that we CAN DO instead of focusing on what we can’t do. It does take some thought and there may be some activities I choose that I can’t do after all,(beading. My neck locks up) but just keep trying new things. There are so many new hobbies to investigate. 

I like photography. I love walking around my neighborhood or even my own yard and take interesting pictures. I no longer have my  “things to do list” that must be accomplished in a timely manner” That attitude finds me sitting on a pity pot. Not very comfortable. It is easier to sit there but it just isn’t me. 

The answer is very doable. It’s called BALANCE.  We all know what that means but I’ve learned that the definition is different for each one of us. That will be my next post topic. Balance. I need to give this serious thought and come up with a workable definition for myself. It must fit my ability today. 

Author: Donna Vater

My name is Donna and I am a wife, mom, grandma, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, mentor, and much more but I AM NOT MY SPINE! iamnotmyspine.blog

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